It's been a crazy ride since I left for vacation in late August. It feels like my life hasn't really gotten back to normal since then! Along with my daily routine being disrupted, my healthy eating habits have taken a back seat as well, and I can really feel it affecting me.
I haven't given up my low carb diet exactly. It's like I'm eating the way I used to, only with junk food thrown in. So I'll have eggs and bacon in the morning, but I might add in cheesecake sometime mid morning, or after a healthy dinner of taco salad, I'll go out and have ice cream.
To be honest, since having the bad experience with my family on my birthday, I haven't really felt right. I've been mopey and depressed, and I can't justify eating properly because I'm so down in the dumps. I think to myself, if life sucks so hard, why bother eating well? Of course I know that eating badly also makes me depressed, so it's a vicious cycle.
So today I decided enough is enough. No more junky foods. I had a cup of caffeinated coffee (a rarity for me) to help get me perked up so I won't be tempted to make myself feel better with sugar, and my goal is to eat no sugar or wheat just for today. If I can get through today, then I can get through tomorrow, and then the day after. But it starts with one day.
I don't like living in a dark funk like this. I mean, I used to be this way all the time, depressed, lonely, feeling like there was no reason to treat myself right. When I started eating low carb last year, I came out of that funk and I really haven't been that depressed until recently. I hate this feeling of being useless and hopeless, and I want to get out of it as soon as possible, and I know I can't do that until I start eating right and giving my body the care it deserves.
So I have to chase down that wagon, but I'm going to get back on it.
Sweet girl, do NOT give your family this much power over you! I can feel you starting to rise up and right the ship, and that's great! You are better than they are, and that must start with treating yourself right. I'm confident that if you can get through this weekend 'clean', you will feel much much better emotionally (and physically) on Monday.
ReplyDeleteCan I share? I've had a rough week too. I woke up Monday on my (62nd) birthday, hit a 60 lbs. loss marker, and then the wheels came off. Not horrendously bad, but I ate a few restaurant meals without asking for 'no salt', had a few afternoons of eating 100 or so calories of chocolate...again, nothing horrible, but I stepped on the scale this morning and I'm 3.4 lbs. UP from MONDAY. I think most of it is inflammation (I feel like crap, physically) and sodium retention, but holy hell. I seriously didn't overeat more than 100-175 calories a day. Not enough to put on over 3 lbs. Ugh.
So today must be a no-chocolate, no junk day. I don't eat chocolate ever on weekends, so if I can make it through today than by Monday the 3 days I find necessary to lose the cravings will have passed. Right now I'm feeling a little out of control and I HATE THAT. I will right this ship; so will you. We have seen the other side and we both want it back. Now. Not later. And we DESERVE it. :)
Gwen, thank you so much for you kind support. I always look forward to your comments because they're so thoughtful and uplifting :) I really appreciate them! I'm sorry to hear that you had such a rough time with your weight lately; I bet that must have really upset you. It's been a few days now, and I hope you managed to beat those 3 pounds back down.
DeleteI agree with Gwen but also remember we all get in a funk. All of us!! We all have ups and downs and many things cause this - heck just being a female causes it! Be as positive as you can, look at the great things in your life and move on.
ReplyDeleteYou're right, Lynda, and I appreciate your reminder that we all go through these things sometimes. Sometimes I just have to be patient with myself until it's all worked out.
DeleteHi. We are away from home. I don't call it a holiday but we are visiting a city we love and spending time with family and friends ..... for 6 weeks!
ReplyDeleteNot easy in someone else's house even when you are free to eat exactly as you want. Not easy when there is family stuff happening that breaks your heart.
Without intending to be religious I cannot do this without my faith in God. When something, not necessarily my food and exercise plan, gets too hard I do two things. I tell God it's too hard for me and feel confident He has got it. Then I picture myself in His Hands, a place where I can rest in total confidence ..... if I let myself.
I write this in the hope that whatever your faith you can find a way to do something similar and get rid of the pain of the family upset. You will find it extremely difficult to continue your weight loss/improved heath quest unless you deal with this problem. Learning to forgive them for the hurt and disappointment is important.
Don't let this upset mess you up. You are worth so much more.
Blessings
MargieAnne, thank you so much for your comment. It was very uplifting. Sometimes I forget to let God help me and try to shoulder all my problems myself, and I think that's when I really start having trouble. Thank you for reminding me that I'm not in this alone :)
DeleteHi Julie,
ReplyDeleteI hope you are feeling better. I too am in a funk right now, and it sucks. I hope you were successful with your "no sugar or wheat for just one day" and are now stringing those days together. I'm going to try hard to go back to healthy eating today as well. I've been stress eating like crazy lately and it really is a vicious cycle... eat crap & feel like crap. So I am tired of feeling like crap. So your blog really resonated with me today. I'm jumping back on the wagon with you.... good luck to both of us!
Hi Lisa! I'm sorry to hear you're also in a funk; it's amazing how appealing sugar seems before you eat it, and how gross it is after you've eaten it and it's making you feel like crap. I'm having a little trouble cutting out the bad stuff cold turkey, but at least I'm moving in the right direction :)
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