Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Hiatus Explained

Well, it's been quite a while since I last updated, and I kind of felt like I should say something.  I'm sure some of you are worrying about me, and I really hate doing that to people!  (I also want to thank the anonymous commenter for reminding me that it has, indeed, been a while since I last posted.) 

Truth be told, guys, I needed a little break from the whole paleo/low carb scene for a while.  It's incredibly easy to get immersed in everything that's going on and forget that there's more to life than food.  Blogging was getting hard for me to keep up, too, because I felt like I was writing what everyone else wanted me to say because I didn't want to argue with anyone.  Silly, right?  I even started to feel like my own opinions and thoughts were being changed by the opinions of others. 

But what really made me take such a long break was an incident where I mentioned that I had messed up and eaten sugar, and the response I got back from my low carb friends was, "You'll never lose weight if you keep eating junk."  And it totally hit me, right then and there, that there was something about that mind set that was toxic. 

I know that sounds ridiculous.  They were just trying to help, offering advice and support.  But the thing is, I'm not trying to lose weight.  Yes, I'm technically "overweight", and yes, I am a big curvy girl, and society says I should be thinner.  But I know in my heart of hearts that I'm at exactly the right weight for me right now.  I've done everything I can to lose more weight, and nothing short of starvation has let me get under 182.  My options are eat fewer calories and carbs and be cranky and low on energy, or eat more calories and carbs and feel happy and bouncy.  But no matter if I eat less or eat more, I'm at 182 and there I sit.  And I'm happy with that.

However, being around people that focused super hard on dropping weight started me to believe that I obviously was doing something wrong if eating low carb didn't make me skinny in a hurry.  So I started eating less, even though all it did for me was make me grumpy.  And when that didn't work, people in the community made me feel like I obviously wasn't trying hard enough.  I was very torn.  Listen to and respect my body, or punish it until I looked beautiful?

So I ran away.  The last time I blogged was really the last time I even read anything diet related on the internet.  Since then, I've been sewing!  I've been teaching myself how to machine quilt, and it's been very fun.  Chad and I have lightened up our eating habits a little bit; we're still low carb paleo, but I don't hold back if I'm hungry for fruit or more starchy vegetables (like sweet potatoes or winter squash).  I even made an apple crisp that was mostly low carb except it included (gasp) rolled oats!  And you know what?  Our weight hasn't changed any, and neither has our moods or health that I know of. 

But I know running away isn't the answer here.  That's unfair to all of my readers, and really to myself.  I liked blogging when I let it flow freely from my heart.  So we'll see how this goes.  Maybe I'll try blogging again, and not get too obsessed about what everyone else thinks.