Success and Failure

On Friday, I wrote a post saying that I was going to try not eating sugar and wheat for one day, and then if that worked, do it again the next day.  Well, unfortunately it didn't end up happening on Friday.  I can't even remember what I ate that was bad for me, but I know I ate it.  However, Saturday and Sunday were great!  I ate really good food and didn't have any sugar or wheat.  And I was feeling really good, too.  Eating clean really makes me feel so good physically.

But, Monday came and I was bad again.  I finally called up my mom and asked if we could go out and have coffee, since we hadn't really talked for a week.  I know everyone who commented on my drama filled posts about how badly my family treated me has said that I should just divorce my family, and I will admit that I wish I could.  But it's not easy for me.  I'm not dependent on them anymore; I'm an adult and I can stand on my own two feet.  The problem is that they're dependent on me.  I'm my mom's support system.  I'm her financial adviser, her marriage counselor, her sounding board, her crafting expert, her shoulder to cry on, her landlady (yes, we own the house she lives in), and the only sane sensible person she has in her life to keep her grounded.  It makes me want to cry to think of her going through the stuff she goes through alone.  So I can't divorce my family for the simple fact that I'm my mother's mother. 

Anyway, we talked.  Not a whole lot about the birthday incident, but normal everyday talking.  It was nice, comforting.  I had a breve latte, but couldn't resist the muffin in the case.  Ugh!  The funny thing is that the low carb muffins I had made over the weekend were way better than the carby one I ate at the coffee shop.  But I'm trying not to worry too much about it.  I got right back on the wagon and ate well the rest of the day. 

I'm going to have a hard time staying on the wagon the next few days though.  Chad's birthday is Saturday, except we're celebrating it tomorrow because I have a family reunion to go to on Saturday.  Chad's request for his birthday dessert was a giant chocolate cookie, and I know I'm going to be eating some of it.  I also know I'm probably going to indulge at the family reunion, since my family includes some amazing country chefs. 

September is such a hard month for me to stay healthy.  I had this problem last year, too.  There's just so much going on in September for us.  Three birthdays, our anniversary, and a family reunion, all nicely spaced out so we're eating bad things all through the month.  I can't wait til October comes.  The only time we're tempted to eat bad things is on Halloween, and then that's only one day. 

I think another thing keeping me from eating well is my mental state.  I'm sure some of you have noticed that I haven't been posting very much, and that's because I've been really pulled away from the world emotionally these last couple of weeks.  It's like I'm living in my head, and I just eat whatever I'm craving.  Sometimes I eat bad things hoping it'll make me feel better.  But what I really need is to jump back into life.  Get back into blogging, start reading my favorite low carb/paleo blogs, going for long walks, working on my garden, and not letting myself mope around so much.  I always go through a bout of the blues in the winter, but it's only fall! 

I do plan on writing more, even if it's just these long rambly personal posts.  If I keep at it, maybe I can get back into the rhythm I had going before, and I can start feeling normal again.