Sorry about the extreme angst in my last post. I thought that once I hit 30, I would stop being quite so angsty, but it just never happened. You should have seen me as a teenager though! That was quite a sight.
After writing that post, I spend the night thinking about diet and body image. I wondered if it would actually be that bad to go low carb again to lose weight. I mean, how many health writers have I read in the past year that have said it's not healthy to eat or exercise in order to change your body? Quite a few, actually. I've been trying to love my body the way it is now and the weight it wants to be, knowing that diets tend to make me feel more negative about myself. I actually do feel pretty good about my body most days.
But it's still true that I'm a lot heavier now than I was just six months ago, and I'm finding it harder to do things that used to be easy for me and my knees are bothering me as well. Not only that, but I grew out of most of my clothing, and I just hate that.
Poor Chad has also gained weight. Are most guys like that? When you're off your diet, they eat badly with you? Chad sure is. Every time I indulge, he's right there with me. It's nice to know I'm not the only one that wants to cram buckets of icecream in my face, but it makes me feel bad when he complains about the clothes he can't wear anymore. He wasn't very big to begin with, but he's gotten more of a belly.
So when he came down on Monday morning, saying he couldn't fit into another shirt, I took it as a sign and asked him if he wanted to go low carb again. He was all for that. I know guys aren't as sensitive about their weight as women, but I can tell it still bothers him that he's gained (I'm guessing 20 pounds).
It's been three days now! I forgot how easy low carb eating is. Luckily, I didn't really have to change much since we don't eat bread or other carbage. Basically, I cut down on the fruit, started using lower carb veggies (Brussels sprouts instead of carrots, say), stopped drinking as much milk, and cut out all sugar which includes my water kefir. I also cut out the resistant starches for now. I'm considering this as a kind of fast, kind of like the original Atkins diet that has a super low carb induction period that gets your body into the swing of things.
I'm not following a plan, just playing things by feel. I think what we'll do is eat this way for at least a couple of weeks and then see how things are going. At that point, I might add back in resistant starches, since they're important to gut health. Again, I really have no plan. I just want to lose some of this weight.
I actually decided that focusing on losing some weight might be good for my body image right now. It's not like I want to lose 100 pounds; at this point, I know that's not something I can do. I have a limit of 185 pounds. And who knows, that limit might be higher now that I'm older. I just want to lose the weight I gained this fall and winter. It was such a hard time for me emotionally, and getting rid of the weight might help me fully move on from everything that happened.
I feel really good about this! I'm definitely excited. I've gotten out for long walks everyday, including a nice long hike on Sunday. Plus, the garden calls! I went out and planted my snap peas tonight, which means it won't be long before I'm out there everyday. Oooh, and my raspberries shipped yesterday! And my apples are just about to bloom. Oh, I'm so excited.
So yes, I'm in a much better mood than I was the other day. I guess I have my moods.
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