So here it is, nearly half way through February. Isn't that amazing? It seems like time goes so slowly in winter, but when you look at the calendar, you wonder what on earth happened to January! Or is that just me?
I thought now would be as good a time as any to look back at the year so far and see how I'm doing with my resolution. If you can't remember, my resolution was to eat well and exercise more, treat myself with respect, and find time to do the things that I love.
I actually did really well for 2/3 of January. But then circumstances made me crash pretty badly. I'm having major issues with Depo Provera (a progesterone birth control shot). I got the shot in September, and it theoretically ran out in mid December. However, because of the nature of the shot, the effects can linger for up to a year. The effects I'm having from Depo are weight gain, moodiness, and a nearly constant period. And starting in the beginning of January, I started having a really heavy, really crampy period. The cramps come on about every other week, last for a week, and then give me a break. Ugh.
The first thing I do when I have cramps is run to the chocolate. I dunno why; it's just something I've done for a long time now. It doesn't make the cramps go away or anything. I kind of feel like, "If I'm going to feel like crap, I have the right to eat junk food". It makes sense at the time, I swear.
So anyway, there were a couple of weeks there where I was eating lots of chocolate and other junk, and it made me feel pretty junky on top of the cramps. Last Saturday, I decided that that was enough, and I needed to start caring for myself again, and thankfully I haven't touched junk since then. I'm making an exception for Valentine's day because Chad got some reservations to a nice restaurant that I've never been to, but then I'm getting back on the wagon.
Exercise has been sporadic for me. The weather has been so unpredictable that I can't really get out much, so I haven't had much chance to go walking. I do get up on my exercise bike once in awhile, but not as often as I should. I don't know why I don't do it. I think I just forget most days. I need an annoying reminder to keep me at it. Of course, if I had an annoying reminder, I would probably just disable it.
As for treating myself with respect and doing the things I love, that also took a back seat while I was cramping out on the couch through most of January. I'm happy to report that I'm busy working on finding things I love and moving toward a more fulfilling life again. I borrowed a cool book from the library called I Could Do Anything, If Only I knew What It Was. It was written to help people find their passions and what they want to do with their lives, and so far it's been a lot of fun reading it. I've discovered that I really do like doing art and working with plants, and it's ok to pursue those desires further.
Have I lost any weight? I'll admit that I did step on the scale the other day. I hadn't lost any weight, but at least I hadn't gained any from the pounds of chocolate I'd eaten, either. I weighed myself a couple days later, after eating well for a few days, and I had lost about a pound. Not a huge deal, but at least it's encouraging. I'm off the scale again for a while though. I don't want to start obsessing about numbers. What's important is that I'm feeling better.
I've noticed that since I gained a bunch of weight since last fall, my body feels different. My knees feel weak, and it's harder to get up off the floor. I don't like that feeling. I'm only 31; I shouldn't feel like an old woman. I really want to start exercising and lifting weights so I can feel strong again. It's hard to get started, though. I keep thinking about how I want to do it, but I don't actually get around to it. There always seems to be something more important to do. I have some pretty bad self discipline. It's a miracle that I even managed to stop eating chocolate.
So that's how I'm doing so far. How is everyone else doing?